Adjusting to life as a family of five

I had many people tell me the transition from 2 to 3 kids was much easier than from 1 to 2. But then there was always someone that said "We were stupid to outnumber ourselves." For me, so far, the transition has been pretty easy. Not sure if that's because I already have a grasp on juggling more than one kid or if it's because the boys are old enough to understand "wait" (most of the time). There's still hairy moments when all 3 kids need something and Ryan's at work, but I'm feeling a lot less stressed than I did when I had Carter. For about 2 years after he was born, I felt like I couldn't meet both boys' needs EVER. Maybe that's normal; maybe it's because they were 1 1/2 years apart. I dunno. It's always nice when something turns out to be a little easier than I had thought it would be.
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Grandma Jan was here to visit the week before Thanksgiving. The boys got some much-needed attention. We also celebrated Christmas and Logan's birthday while Grandma was here. A week to visit goes by all too quickly. In fact, Jan's flight left early in the morning before the boys were up. Logan came into my room and the FIRST words out of his mouth were "It's just not the same without Grandma Jan here." I think he's ready for another trip to Montana.

Grandma with all 3 kiddos

Reading Carter's new book

The Friday and Saturday after Thanksgiving here consists of Santa, craft shows and a light parade/fireworks...all of which we participated in. However, I was not about to tackle the craftshow with all 3 kids, so Grandma Rita took the boys for a day of Santa, hot cocoa and snowman-building before we picked them up for the parade and fireworks.

Fortuately, Santa was also at the craft show, but he came by while I had wandered off on my own for a minute.
Sadie continues to grow and change. For the most part, she's a decent sleeper. We can usually get 4-5 hours in the first stretch in her crib (we've had a couple of 7 and 8-hour stretches as well); then she comes into bed with me so I can feel somewhat rested. After her first long stretch of sleep, she's up to eat every 2 hours or so. So, I'm tired, but not exhausted. She has a definite fussy time of the evenings, which is unfortunate as that's the only time Daddy can see her and that's the only time I get with the boys (not counting the rat race to get ready in the mornings). She only seems to want Mommy (or part of Mommy) at that time, but every now and then she has a more content evening and enjoys snuggling with Daddy as well. She's also developing distinct cries now...sleepy vs. hungry vs. ticked off. I've manged to see two REAL smiles from her, but they're too fleeting to attempt to get a picture. She's also adjusting well to her life in a carseat, which is nice for me. She still gets upset usually when she's first buckled in but settles down quickly most of the time. I guess it didn't take long for her to figure out that we drive 450 miles a week taking the boys to/from school...might as well get used to the dreaded carseat.

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The boys are doing well with her. Logan's the helper, trying to offer a toy or stroke her hair when she's fussing and I can't get to her right away. He still says "she whines a lot" but told his teacher "she's getting better." Carter constantly asks "Can I pet the baby?" and tends to be the one that wants to hold her. Since Sadie doesn't really have a routine yet, it's not a big deal that he never leaves her alone. But, I foresee some frustration in the future when Carter goes into her room and wakes her up while she's napping.

This was the first week "on my own" as far as getting the boys ready for school, etc. I did try to do everything myself last week when Grandma Jan was here as kind of a "practice run" and just used Grandma as back up when I needed an extra hand. For the most part, I was able to do everything on my own, but relied on Grandma to help out at the last minute in order to get going on time. I was very impressed with myself when we actually were in the car 5 minutes early Monday morning (pretty good, especially considering I had the joy of cleaning up dog puke added to my morning duties)....and then discovered Ryan had my car keys. So, a phonecall to him (and to Carter's school, telling them he'd be late)....and 30 minutes later we were out the door.

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I also got to see Dr. Barton last week. Healing as I should be, physically anyway. Emotionally? Not so much. He and I did get to chat about what went wrong the day Sadie was born. He does feel I was showing precursers to uterine rupture. I had thought that uterine rupture occurs suddenly...but apparently it usually doesn't. It's more of a slow tearing of the old scar. He first became suspicious when baby's heart slowed down for a long time (4 minutes) but he really became concerned when I described my pain as sharp and only felt below my incision. When my dilation decreased from 4 to 3 cm and the nurse couldn't track uterine activity, we were done. He believes that only the very bottom part of my uterus was working, essentially squeezing her head back up when she was trying to come down. Normally a uterus squeezes from the top down. The sharp pain I was having he believes was the sensation of her head essentially trying to come out at the old scar, which is also most likely the source of the solid purple bruising I had below my incision. I wondered if the use of pitocin contributed to my "undesired outcome", but it doesn't look like it. Of course, anytime you give nature a nudge and the body isn't ready, things can go wrong. But, as Dr. B. explained, I have a scar in place and it looks like the innervation between cells never fully regrew, so the whole uterus didn't work like a total unit...only the bottom part was functioning. And that would have been the result regardless of natural labor or induced labor (thought technically they say I wasn't "induced" but "augmented" because I was contracting and was dilated more than 3 ...whatever). He also said I only got up to 6 microunits of pitocin (maximum is 40) so I was on a super low dose.

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He apologized more than once for the way things played out. He really felt like I was a very low-risk candidate for a VBAC (as did I), considering I had a quick delivery with Logan, it had been more than 2 years since my last pregnancy, I had little scarring and the only reason Carter was c-section was because he was breech and my fluid was too low (as opposed to a "stalled labor" or something). Dr. B's not much of a risk-taker. I had told him throughout the whole pregnancy that if something ever looked like a VBAC was not a good idea, I was more than willing to schedule the c-section. But, everything continually looked better as things went along.

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I had begun this pregnancy, thinking I had to have a scheduled section as our little hospital didn't used to be equipped to deal with emergency c-sections (but now they are, obviously). But, at my very first appointment, Dr. B gave me the option, which I was thrilled about. Then, when I got the good report from Dr. Richey in August and baby was already head down, I had a lot of hope. As acupuncture helped my liver and I began to dilate, I really became optimistic that things would work out the way I wanted. In fact, after worrying all week before Sadie was born that I would go into labor at a time when Barton was out of town and I would be forced into a c-section by the doc filling in, I did a lot of praying...and everything worked out for us to go in on that Friday. So, to be honest, I felt like everything was falling into place for a successful VBAC. As it turns out, everything was falling into place for our baby to arrive safely at the hands of Dr. Barton by another method.

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No doubt, being rushed in for a c-section was stressful and exhausting. Being surprised with a girl gave a little bit of sweetness to a day that I felt was not going my way. I only wish I could have been the first to see her. After 3 kids, I still haven't gotten that moment with any of my babies. I'm thinking hospitals should recognize that Mommies ought to have the right to see their baby before anyone else gets to. I suppose for some, it doesn't matter. To me, it does.

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Rena had warned me that often with "traumatic" births, the moms don't feel disappointed until later...I was hoping I would be the exception, but apparently I'm not. I still somehow feel like less of a mom or that somehow I failed (No need to tell me it's not my fault. I know this isn't a rational or logical thought....but Mommies of newborns don't have to be rational...they're tired). I'm praying that feeling goes away soon. Until it does, I re-read our old blog entries, remembering how relieved we were when we reached a gestational age where this baby could survive...and then got a good report from Dr. Richey...and kept the liver under control...and how things kept improving as time went on. I have not lost sight of the blessing in having a very healthy baby. But when hormones run rampant and sleep is a rare find, thoughts of disappointment creep in. No doubt there's some room for a lesson in trusting in God's purpose and letting go of what I cannot control.

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On another note, we also got a peek into my report from Dr. Richey’s office, which does indeed say “genitalia appear to be male.” However, in her defense, we did not go to our first appointment with her requesting to find out the baby’s gender, so maybe she wasn’t all that careful in looking...or maybe she dictated a bunch of reports at once and mixed up our info. with someone else's. Both Ryan and I thought we heard her say "he" while doing our ultrasound, which is what possessed me to call 2 weeks later and find out what we were having, as I was assuming it was a boy at that point. And to answer a frequent question: no, we do not intend to contact her office about it. The whole gender mix-up has been kind of funny. Apparently it’s also spread throughout the hospital and elsewhere as people I don’t even know have heard of it (though they don’t know whose baby it was). I guess docs don’t get it wrong too often these days. I assured Dr. Barton we were trying to spread the word quickly that it wasn’t his goof. All of the other weekly ultrasounds we had towards the end were checking for breathing movements, fluid levels, heartrate, etc. They were only about 5 minutes long, so we weren’t peeking at "parts" of the baby.

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So I guess that sums up the past couple of weeks. Not sure how much time there will be for updates with birthdays and Christmas coming. We have plans for decorating her room over Christmas break. I'm very excited (much to Ryan's dismay, the Yankees decor is coming down). For the record, the room will NOT be pink!