Confessions of my pregnancy hormones.

A day with no kids and no husband...and what am I doing? Laundry. Even the day-to-day things of being a stay-at-home-mom can be somewhat pleasurable if one can do them uninterrupted. And, as the house remains quiet, I'm alone with my thoughts...

So we’re approaching 38 weeks now (depending on which due date you'd like to use). The countdown is on and I have to say I’m really enjoying this “anticipation” part of the pregnancy. I realize this is when most women are sick of being pregnant and just ready to be done (and I’ll probably reach that point as well), but so far, I’m enjoying every minute. For some, the end result of a baby is all they look forward to during pregnancy. For me, I love the entire experience. In fact, with Logan, I think I was more excited to experience pregnancy than I was to actually have a baby at the end of the process. Maybe that’s because the first pregnancy is so exciting, the actual due date seems like it will never actually arrive…so one might as well enjoy the ride. Subsequent pregnancies FLY BY!

With Logan I never got to wonder when our baby would arrive…a month before we were anticipating, he just arrived. With Carter, I was scheduled to be induced 2 weeks early due to my liver issues, but instead went in for a check up a week prior to that and was told “We need to get this baby out first thing in the morning.” Nothing tragic, obviously, as both boys are here and healthy…but somehow I felt “robbed” of the experience I so desperately wanted. Logan was whisked out into the hallway, only to have the respiratory therapist peek his head in a few minutes later to let us know we had had a BOY…but they needed to work on him. I saw him about 3 hours later. There was no "cutting the cord" or shouts of "It's a boy!". No naked first pictures.

Carter, obviously being born c-section, was seen by everybody else before me (nurses, doctors, Ryan, etc.). That seems dramatic, I know, but I remember lying there as they were checking him out, thinking to myself: “I’m the mom. I’m supposed to see him first.” Those first moments with our first two babies weren’t how I had imagined them. Silly it seems, I’m sure, to some. There’s obviously more to bonding with your baby than the first minutes after he’s born…but those were the moments I dreamed about and didn’t quite get to have. Hopefully third time’s the charm in that department.

That being said, there are a few things I’ve decided I am going to miss…and other things I won’t miss so much...about being pregnant. So far, I’m able to still laugh at these (which is pretty good, I think, considering I don’t have much of a sense of humor most of the time).

Things I’m going to miss:
1. The potential to sleep all night…at least for the first few months.
2. Feeling this little heel fight for space from my right rib cage. I think his foot is ticklish already. He wiggles it when I poke at it to get it out of my ribs.
3. Baby hiccups in utero. A bit annoying at times, but it’s a nice reminder he’s learning to breathe.
4. Daily baby karate sessions, currently GUARANTEED to occur at noon and midnight (as well as other less-scheduled sessions). He is, by far, my most active baby.

Things I’m not going to miss so much:
1. Peeing no less than every half hour during the day and no less than 4 times a night. I’m boycotting the bathroom!
2. To have people no longer come and pat my belly…stranger, family, or friend…it makes no difference. While it is true that I obviously look pregnant, I don’t recall how that makes my belly public property, free for “the patting.” Do these people greet their co-workers or other non-pregnant people in the grocery store like this too? I think not. I realize they are not ill-intentioned people (which is the only thing that keeps me from saying something to them)…but I admit I AM tempted to pat THEIR belly and see if they’d get the hint. Hands off my body, please (except for Ryan, Logan and Carter…they can pat this baby any time they want).
3. My excessive body heat, both from being pregnant and my temperamental liver. I will no longer have to end my nice warm shower with a cold one. I will be able to have the house heat above 65 and the car heat above 60 without feeling like my skin is on fire. I can sit next to someone on the couch without feeling like someone is holding a flame to my skin. No more shivering to feel “comfortable.” I cherish the thought of curling up with a blanket and having a fire in the fireplace.
4. Popping these pills all day long. I’m not much for taking medication, even for a headache. So scheduling these pills seems time-consuming and restrictive to me.
5. Feeling like an old lady. My poor sacrum is so shifty, I limp for the first 10 steps every time I get out of bed. I have to “rock” to get momentum to get out of our couch downstairs. Rolling over in bed cannot be done without grunting during and a big heavy sigh at the end of the task. Forget lying flat on my back on the floor; I cannot get up without pain. Aaaah, to be limber again.
6. Being confined to wearing the same four t-shirts and lounge pants. Now I’m not much of a fashion statement to begin with, but sometimes it would be nice to be able to wear jeans or khakis and be comfortable. Unfortunately, loose cotton clothing is the only thing comfortable, not so much because of my belly, but for reason # 3 above.

Things I’m REALLY looking forward to:
1. Seeing him for the first time. Will he have a head of black hair like Logan did? Or the brown curls Carter did? I want to hear his cry and see him open his eyes and look at us for the first time…and see if the name we picked “fits” him or if we need to figure out another.
2. The look of a freshly nursed baby: a dribble of milk out of the corner of his lips, limp body, mouth wide open, head back. You know he’s thinking: “That IS THE STUFF! It doesn’t get any better than this.”
3. Those quiet moments at night alone with the baby. No phone ringing, no meal to be prepared, no mess to be cleaned up…no one else needs me…only a baby to be fed. But let’s keep these moments to just a few per night, please.
4. Not having to plan on returning to work by a certain deadline. No pumping and freezing milk from day one in order to build a stash, no forcing a baby to take a bottle so he can go to daycare, no pressure of having to be “of sound mind” each day. It might not be the best thing to think unclearly as a mom, but at least my kids can’t sue me for malpractice on my poor decisions (not yet anyway).
5. Rubbing baby’s head and watching his eyes roll back. “Oh, yeah…”
6. Logan and Carter’s reactions to the baby, especially Carter’s. Logan barely noticed Carter when he was a baby; he was really more interested in the baby toys being brought back out again. Carter is my baby-lover. In my future, I see locked bathroom doors while I’m showering…to keep the baby safe from Carter!
7. Rubbing it in my dear husband’s face that he was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG about having an October baby! Ha! (Okay…now is when I repent and pray for humility to once again come into my life).
8. Having help this time around. My parents live here now and Grandma Jan is flying up for a week. We didn’t have help after Logan was born (and granted, I was too proud to WANT it at the time; I could do it myself, thank you!) and Ryan only had about 5 days off with Carter…then I was on my own. Everything you read says to “take care of yourself”…but with a 1 ½ year old and newborn…trying to recover from a c-section…made “taking care of yourself” just a nice thought. This time? Bring on the servants! I am no longer too proud to have people wait on me.
9. NOT having 2 kids in diapers at the same time for the next year and a half. I don't think I need to explain this one...

And things I’m NOT looking forward to at all, but are inevitable:
1. Those all-too-frequent moments where a baby is screaming to be fed, Logan has a bloody nose, Carter’s hollering from the bathroom to be wiped and the dog’s begging to go outside. And my kids think THEIR life isn’t fair…
2. Getting out the door in the mornings. As it is right now, I’m up at 5:30 to accomplish this (IF I want a shower before taking Logan & Carter to school).
3. Finally putting a sleeping baby who’s been screaming down in the crib, only to have the other boys break out into a yelling match and wake him up again. God give me the strength to not beat my children (You parents of multiple children KNOW what I’m talkin’ about).
4. The 30-minute boring drive…on a dark road…with no sleep…every morning…with quiet kids….heading to school. Z-z-z-z-z-z-z.
5. Using the only little bit of self-control I have to not meet my husband at the door with 3 screaming kids and say “HERE! It’s YOUR turn!!!” and then proceed to run screaming into the night…

Same ol', same ol'...

Not much to update today, which is a good thing. Baby looked good on ultrasound. Fluid levels were about the same as last week. All of my usual blood work came back normal (we're not currently checking the liver stuff). Dr. Barton tried to get a picture of the baby's face again; baby boy is NOT very cooperative with this. Hopefully he'll be more photogenic on the outside.

I asked Dr. Barton if I'm right to assume that I'll be allowed to go 40 weeks, assuming things continue to look good at each visit and he said "yes." Although there is a risk of stillbirth during the last month, research shows it's lower in mild cases...and we feel my "case" this time around is quite mild between the medication, acupuncture and diet stuff. IF at some point things don't look alright, we would have to schedule another c-section as induction isn't wise with a VBAC attempt.

So, today, I'm optimistic. I have a few more things I'd like to get done before baby boy arrives; if they don't get done, oh well. Energy level is depleting fast. I have some major insomnia going on. I'm tired as ever, yet there I am for HOURS every night in bed, not sleeping. If I wasn't tired, I'd get up and do something...but I keep waiting for sleep to come. What's a few extra weeks of sleep deprivation anyway?

Ready for the holidays

We're ready for Thanksgiving...as you can see by my "butterball" appearance.

36 weeks!

Average size for babies at this stage is about 6 pounds. Logan was born exactly at 36 weeks and was 6 lbs., 7 oz.

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Baby face at 33 weeks. I originally didn't post this because I thought it was hard to see his face. As it turns out, it's easier to see on a smaller pic. As usual, he's got half of his face mashed into the placenta, but we can see he had cheeks here already! He was measuring the size of a 35 1/2 week baby at this point.

And finally...to complete our holiday readiness...evidence that there are NO SILENT NIGHTS in my near future!

The Artist

Logan typically has "homework" for kindergarten over the weekends. It's just one piece of paper, usually kind of a family effort sort of thing. Last week he had to walk through the house, drawing pictures of the patterns he saw (piano keys, wallpaper border, tile entry, etc.). This weekend, though, he had to draw pictures of his favorite things to do during the different seasons. I didn't want to lead him towards drawing anything in particular, so I told him to tell me what he likes to do and I'd let him know which season that activity took place in.

His first idea? He wanted to know which day of the year we get to eat breakfast at church...which is Easter morning...so he drew a picture of a waffle. Both of the boys really enjoy this because they're made from a mix, rather than Mommy's homemade ones made with wheat germ, etc. For summer, he decided "driving his jeep" was the highlight. Notice the big load of rocks in the back (accurately depicting the ACTUAL load of rocks currently in their jeep). Winter was "playing in the snow" and fall was "going to school." I laughed at the school picture; kinda looks like a prison, doesn't it?

Baby update:

I admit, I wasn't going into today's appointment with a lot of optimism. But, it turned out to be a very good day. My fluid levels were up to almost 11, which means baby moves a lot more too. At this point in my pregnancy with Logan, I was already dilated to 4...and he was born 2 days later. Upon "checking" today, that is not the case this time.

Also, between the medication and acupuncture, my liver symptoms have been ZIPPO since last Tuesday. Doc can't really explain it as the medication usually just stabilizes things instead of eliminating things. Whatever...I'll take it.

Sooooo....for the next week, I get to live under the assumption that I will go full term. Truthfully, I'll be happy just to go until 12:01 a.m. on November 1st...just to prove my husband wrong! (He's still saying we'll have an October baby) The only "concern" I have today is wondering if this baby will be too big to fit into the newborn clothes we've received....we might have to break out the 0-3 month size! What a novel idea.

I'm also wondering....can acupuncture cure my 4-year-old's need to have his hands down his pants CONSTANTLY!!!???

The thing to keep in mind with kids is to "remain flexible"...

Carter's preschool pics are in now. Sometimes I cannot believe these two came from the same gene pool. To me, the boys don't really look alike at all...but we get different comments from different people. Some think Carter looks like his dad (THAT, I do NOT see). One of my friends thinks Logan looks just like me, but with dark features. I still remember how much Logan looked like his dad when he was just hours old, so I seem to hold that thought in my head when I think of who the boys look like. We took the boys to "Cloudy with a chance of meatballs" last night. Going to the movies is such a treat (expensive treat, I think). But, we thought it might be one of the last things we get to do with them for a while. Logan's days are quite long and Daddy works Saturdays. Plus, the boys really enjoy doing nothing on Saturdays so they can play. I think they miss each other all week, being at separate schools. Today is the end of the first quarter, so Logan was off (Carter doesn't have preschool on Fridays anyway), so it wasn't a big deal to have them up a little later last night for the movie.

When we got home, Ryan had his yoga workout to do (he's doing the P90X program). So, while Carter was "busy" losing his privilege of being tucked in for the night, Logan got to exercise with Daddy for a few minutes. This is the only pic of my hubby doing yoga that I was "allowed" to put on here. Needless to say, the pregnant lady just supervised and took a few pictures before retreating to her sewing projects...

Short update

Baby update:
Not much to update other than I get to plan on staying pregnant at least until I see him again on Monday. He said our decisions will just be week by week (hopefully for another 4-5 weeks). I'm officially 35 weeks tomorrow, but I'm convinced if this little dude sinks down any lower, he's going to fall out !

My fluid levels have gone down a bit more. It measured 7.29 today; it was 8.55 last week (normal is 5-20). But, baby was moving really well and showing almost constant breathing movements, which is a good sign of lung function in the event he comes early. They've told me in the past that girls' lungs tend to develop earlier than boys (must need to get ready for all that talking we girls do!), but we've been very fortunate in that department thus far. Logan needed quite a bit of help after he was born, but that was more due to him being "sick" as opposed to immature lungs. He also snapped right out of it in about 4 hours. Carter came out screaming and hasn't managed to stop yet!

So, I'm back in on Monday...hopefully to just be sent back out the door again!

On another note...I had a baby shower last weekend and in the process, Logan & Carter received these nice wooden tops. A string gets wound around this handle so when it gets pulled, the top spins for a really long time. They've really enjoyed them. So...as Carter took one to bed last night, we didn't think much of it...until he came out with his finger stuck in the hole. We tried a few different things and ended up cutting the wood and breaking the thing in order to get it off. Ryan says it's a good thing it was made of weak pine rather than a harder wood. Carter was bummed that we couldn't fix it with tape, but off to bed he went...

...until this morning when I was brushing my teeth. Carter comes into the bathroom, looking all excited and says "Mom, look what I ..." and shows me how he got his finger stuck in the remaining top handle (which would be Logan's). Logan was on the couch, crying quietly because he knew his would need to be broken too. However, this time Carter put his index finger in instead of his middle finger, so I was able to pry it off with the lubrication of a little soap. Logan felt much better afterwards.

So, I was admitting to Ryan later in the day how I really, REALLY have absolutely NO PATIENCE for "stupid," (decisions, that is) regardless of age. So if you come to visit, please feel free to admire the cool top sitting on our windowsill, only to be taken down at Logan's request...and with supervision from now on. BOYS!

Be on the lookout for the evil bunny...

We were once again awakened by our second-born son at an hour much too early for our preference. It's typical for Carter to be up around 5:00, but this day, it was more like 3:30. He didn't come into the room and wake anybody up, but rather we awoke to the sound of the kitchen chairs being moved to accommodate his train-driving on the kitchen table. Ryan got up to find nearly every light in the house on. When he asked Carter what he was doing up, Carter responded "I had a nightmare."

I wondered most of the morning what kind of nightmare could cause him to wake at such an early hour, yet didn't prompt any crying or crawling into bed with Mommy or Daddy. So, when I picked him up from preschool, I asked him about his nightmare...to which he responded "I dreamed the Easter bunny was going to try to eat me! ...and that wouldn't be good, Mom".

I woke him up after he had napped for 4 hours that afternoon...

Quote of the day

Our normal morning routine consists of dropping Carter off at preschool a few minutes before 8:00, but Logan cannot be dropped off until 8:30. So, we typically sit in the car and read books during that time (which Logan thinks is soooo neat because he gets to sit in the FRONT SEAT!!!). Anyway, today we were reading a book called "When?". It covered a bunch of different topics including "when do rainbows appear?", "when do volcanoes blow up?", and "when do the leaves change color?". On the very last page, it stated something like "You will learn lots of new things in your life, but you will never know the answer to everything because there will always be new things to discover..." As I closed up the book, Logan didn't even skip a beat before saying "Mom, I'm gonna learn lots of things, but I will NEVER know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop!"
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So there you have it: the PROOF that my beloved kindergartner does NOT know everything!

Losing a little optimism

So baby boy and I had a biophysical profile today (an ultrasound that specifically looks at fluid levels, baby's tone, respiratory movements, etc.). Unfortunately, my liver is giving me a bit more trouble; it's taking about 2hours to get to sleep and I'm noticing symptoms most of the day now. So, I'm on medication, which hopefully will stabilize things.

Also of note, my fluid levels were a bit on the low side...still within the normal range, but on the low end of "normal." This happened with Carter as well, but not until 37 weeks, which is why they took him early. This can be fairly normal in the 3rd trimester if nothing else is going on, but it's also a higher risk with the cholestasis and abnormal placenta. So, now I not only SEE my OB once a week, but we're doing the biophysical profiles once a week, possibly increasing to twice a week if needed. Bummer.

Good news is that I'm continuing to gain weight, as is the littlest Magee. Baby was "a little on the hefty side", which is really good. I'm technically 33 weeks, 4 days today but baby boy was measuring between 35 and 36 weeks on all measurements. Still can't get a very good shot of his face as he's constantly hiding it in the placenta. I think he's gonna be a snuggler.


Also in the "good news" category; my placenta is still a grade 2, which is normal for this stage. In the past, my placentas have broken down really early on. In my OB's words, my placentas looked like I was 2 weeks overdue, rather than 3 and 4 weeks early. So far, so good.

So, I was quite direct and asked if I could still plan on a November baby at this point (it's typical to induce between 36-37 weeks with cholestasis to bypass the greatest risk of stillbirth). His response was "Today, that's still the plan. We'll see what next week shows." Unfortunately, I cannot be induced with a VBAC, so I might be "facing the knife" again if we're forced to go early. Another bummer. But, as long as we bring home a healthy baby, I'll easily learn to live with that disappointment.

Aside from all that, I managed to get the car seat cover finished this weekend and Logan has officially been moved to the WAAAAAY back of the Expedition. I think we need an intercom system to talk now! I'd like to get the crib bumper made, but we'll see what time and energy levels allow.


So, after a non-productive morning running around, I picked up Carter and headed home. I decided to try not giving him a nap because I'm getting a little bit tired of him getting up at 5:30. I even asked him if he wanted to take a nap. His response: "No, I'm not even tired."
Liar.