Confessions of my pregnancy hormones.

A day with no kids and no husband...and what am I doing? Laundry. Even the day-to-day things of being a stay-at-home-mom can be somewhat pleasurable if one can do them uninterrupted. And, as the house remains quiet, I'm alone with my thoughts...

So we’re approaching 38 weeks now (depending on which due date you'd like to use). The countdown is on and I have to say I’m really enjoying this “anticipation” part of the pregnancy. I realize this is when most women are sick of being pregnant and just ready to be done (and I’ll probably reach that point as well), but so far, I’m enjoying every minute. For some, the end result of a baby is all they look forward to during pregnancy. For me, I love the entire experience. In fact, with Logan, I think I was more excited to experience pregnancy than I was to actually have a baby at the end of the process. Maybe that’s because the first pregnancy is so exciting, the actual due date seems like it will never actually arrive…so one might as well enjoy the ride. Subsequent pregnancies FLY BY!

With Logan I never got to wonder when our baby would arrive…a month before we were anticipating, he just arrived. With Carter, I was scheduled to be induced 2 weeks early due to my liver issues, but instead went in for a check up a week prior to that and was told “We need to get this baby out first thing in the morning.” Nothing tragic, obviously, as both boys are here and healthy…but somehow I felt “robbed” of the experience I so desperately wanted. Logan was whisked out into the hallway, only to have the respiratory therapist peek his head in a few minutes later to let us know we had had a BOY…but they needed to work on him. I saw him about 3 hours later. There was no "cutting the cord" or shouts of "It's a boy!". No naked first pictures.

Carter, obviously being born c-section, was seen by everybody else before me (nurses, doctors, Ryan, etc.). That seems dramatic, I know, but I remember lying there as they were checking him out, thinking to myself: “I’m the mom. I’m supposed to see him first.” Those first moments with our first two babies weren’t how I had imagined them. Silly it seems, I’m sure, to some. There’s obviously more to bonding with your baby than the first minutes after he’s born…but those were the moments I dreamed about and didn’t quite get to have. Hopefully third time’s the charm in that department.

That being said, there are a few things I’ve decided I am going to miss…and other things I won’t miss so much...about being pregnant. So far, I’m able to still laugh at these (which is pretty good, I think, considering I don’t have much of a sense of humor most of the time).

Things I’m going to miss:
1. The potential to sleep all night…at least for the first few months.
2. Feeling this little heel fight for space from my right rib cage. I think his foot is ticklish already. He wiggles it when I poke at it to get it out of my ribs.
3. Baby hiccups in utero. A bit annoying at times, but it’s a nice reminder he’s learning to breathe.
4. Daily baby karate sessions, currently GUARANTEED to occur at noon and midnight (as well as other less-scheduled sessions). He is, by far, my most active baby.

Things I’m not going to miss so much:
1. Peeing no less than every half hour during the day and no less than 4 times a night. I’m boycotting the bathroom!
2. To have people no longer come and pat my belly…stranger, family, or friend…it makes no difference. While it is true that I obviously look pregnant, I don’t recall how that makes my belly public property, free for “the patting.” Do these people greet their co-workers or other non-pregnant people in the grocery store like this too? I think not. I realize they are not ill-intentioned people (which is the only thing that keeps me from saying something to them)…but I admit I AM tempted to pat THEIR belly and see if they’d get the hint. Hands off my body, please (except for Ryan, Logan and Carter…they can pat this baby any time they want).
3. My excessive body heat, both from being pregnant and my temperamental liver. I will no longer have to end my nice warm shower with a cold one. I will be able to have the house heat above 65 and the car heat above 60 without feeling like my skin is on fire. I can sit next to someone on the couch without feeling like someone is holding a flame to my skin. No more shivering to feel “comfortable.” I cherish the thought of curling up with a blanket and having a fire in the fireplace.
4. Popping these pills all day long. I’m not much for taking medication, even for a headache. So scheduling these pills seems time-consuming and restrictive to me.
5. Feeling like an old lady. My poor sacrum is so shifty, I limp for the first 10 steps every time I get out of bed. I have to “rock” to get momentum to get out of our couch downstairs. Rolling over in bed cannot be done without grunting during and a big heavy sigh at the end of the task. Forget lying flat on my back on the floor; I cannot get up without pain. Aaaah, to be limber again.
6. Being confined to wearing the same four t-shirts and lounge pants. Now I’m not much of a fashion statement to begin with, but sometimes it would be nice to be able to wear jeans or khakis and be comfortable. Unfortunately, loose cotton clothing is the only thing comfortable, not so much because of my belly, but for reason # 3 above.

Things I’m REALLY looking forward to:
1. Seeing him for the first time. Will he have a head of black hair like Logan did? Or the brown curls Carter did? I want to hear his cry and see him open his eyes and look at us for the first time…and see if the name we picked “fits” him or if we need to figure out another.
2. The look of a freshly nursed baby: a dribble of milk out of the corner of his lips, limp body, mouth wide open, head back. You know he’s thinking: “That IS THE STUFF! It doesn’t get any better than this.”
3. Those quiet moments at night alone with the baby. No phone ringing, no meal to be prepared, no mess to be cleaned up…no one else needs me…only a baby to be fed. But let’s keep these moments to just a few per night, please.
4. Not having to plan on returning to work by a certain deadline. No pumping and freezing milk from day one in order to build a stash, no forcing a baby to take a bottle so he can go to daycare, no pressure of having to be “of sound mind” each day. It might not be the best thing to think unclearly as a mom, but at least my kids can’t sue me for malpractice on my poor decisions (not yet anyway).
5. Rubbing baby’s head and watching his eyes roll back. “Oh, yeah…”
6. Logan and Carter’s reactions to the baby, especially Carter’s. Logan barely noticed Carter when he was a baby; he was really more interested in the baby toys being brought back out again. Carter is my baby-lover. In my future, I see locked bathroom doors while I’m showering…to keep the baby safe from Carter!
7. Rubbing it in my dear husband’s face that he was WRONG, WRONG, WRONG about having an October baby! Ha! (Okay…now is when I repent and pray for humility to once again come into my life).
8. Having help this time around. My parents live here now and Grandma Jan is flying up for a week. We didn’t have help after Logan was born (and granted, I was too proud to WANT it at the time; I could do it myself, thank you!) and Ryan only had about 5 days off with Carter…then I was on my own. Everything you read says to “take care of yourself”…but with a 1 ½ year old and newborn…trying to recover from a c-section…made “taking care of yourself” just a nice thought. This time? Bring on the servants! I am no longer too proud to have people wait on me.
9. NOT having 2 kids in diapers at the same time for the next year and a half. I don't think I need to explain this one...

And things I’m NOT looking forward to at all, but are inevitable:
1. Those all-too-frequent moments where a baby is screaming to be fed, Logan has a bloody nose, Carter’s hollering from the bathroom to be wiped and the dog’s begging to go outside. And my kids think THEIR life isn’t fair…
2. Getting out the door in the mornings. As it is right now, I’m up at 5:30 to accomplish this (IF I want a shower before taking Logan & Carter to school).
3. Finally putting a sleeping baby who’s been screaming down in the crib, only to have the other boys break out into a yelling match and wake him up again. God give me the strength to not beat my children (You parents of multiple children KNOW what I’m talkin’ about).
4. The 30-minute boring drive…on a dark road…with no sleep…every morning…with quiet kids….heading to school. Z-z-z-z-z-z-z.
5. Using the only little bit of self-control I have to not meet my husband at the door with 3 screaming kids and say “HERE! It’s YOUR turn!!!” and then proceed to run screaming into the night…